If not i

As selfish as some are, i could never stoop that low.. its all or nothing..goin with the flow.. take me away from yesterday and bring me to oblivion.. 

Give 100% or nothing at all.. either emotions are sky high or simply gone ...there is no movie, poem, or song to describe the moment it went wrong 

do it with heart

do it with soul

the minute you dont the world is so cold

See past my eyes and thru my soul 

My heart is made of gold

It used to be black it used to be cold 

it used to say "Fuck it" when things got old

now it cries for understanding

a simple phrase or the right reply

not a barrage of deceit or lies 

They called me blackheart for a long time

The Past and Present determine why 

the future should be bright not dreary

All the while we are weary 

Playing the victim when your in the wrong

Your not torn your actually strong

Take back the words that have no meaning

If they were used in vain or just for teasing

Craving the wrong things from the wrong places

will lead to an empty abyss

Karma aint shit..im a bigger bitch

Alter egos that need stroking 

are not meant to be held by a one and only

Complain about your scars or make a change

If not i..then who?.. will heal your pain

-jdm 

Then and ONLY then you know

When you don't have the urge to seek options

when you don't want to turn back and let curiousity lead you to your past

when you understand the value of friendship, love, and loyalty

when you can talk without going to bed angry or giving your back to your partner

when you no longer feel the need to hold people on the back burner "just in case"

when you can walk away from temptation

when you will say whatever you have to honestly rather than sugar coat things to protect the persons feelings

when you KNOW that theres no time for games

when you address people who disrespect or cross the line/boundaries

when you absolutely care

when you wake up and go to bed with them on your mind

when you cant be apart without atleast speaking 

when you acknowledge all communication not just selectively 

when you understand each others life styles and jobs

when your friends know each other and there are no secrets 

when you DONT walk out of the room to take a call

when you give your attention to only them and don't feel obligated to stroke other people's ego's 

when you can have the most fun doing nothing or something out of the ordinary 

when you cant sleep at night until you hear "i love you" 

when you can spend time with them, their friends, and then some without feeling forced..and enjoy it

when you completely trust one another and there are no reasons not to

when you dont get angry over nothing...instead you discuss it like adults

when you LOVE SOMEONE you can relate to all of the above.

If you don't ... it isn't meant to be. 

Dear You.

When we are together am I the only one?..like Ke$ha says....
Do i make your heart beat like an 808 drum?
Are you pre occupied with texts and calls?
Or are you hypnotized by my voice and all...

I have a strong presence...but im not trying to intimidate..
If you have groupies or haters don't procrastinate...
Make your circle a real one.. only friends, family, and people who truely respect you..

don't wait until they ruin what's been established
Im here today full force..but
If you give me a reason I'll vanish into tomorrow by cause
Im all about loyalty, respect, dedication, and honesty
No time for games or deceipt

You have the blueprint so it's all on you
Your the foundation...don't let it crumble.

Im faithful to the end and extremely humble

I don't flirt, cheat, or lie..I'd rather hurt someone with the truth than watch their heart die

All the people who have pursued me are slowly leaving my life...better off so I can go on without drama...

I don't deal with jealousy, baggage, or baby mommas!

PICTURES JUST BECAUSE ....A LIL TRIP DOWN THE PATH OF JDM

MY 27TH BDAY WEEK

THIS WEEK HAS BEEN EXTREMELY UNPREDICTABLE. 

FOR THE MOST PART MY DAYS WERE GOOD AND SOME NIGHTS WERE GREAT... WORK WAS LAID BACK WHICH WAS GOOD FOR MY FIRST WEEK. 

I CAUGHT UP WITH MANY OLD FACES AT MY OLD OFFICES...I HEARD OF 3 PEOPLE PASSING AWAY RIP CYNTHIA, R.I.P. JORGE FROM THE MAILROOM AT WORK,  AND RIP MY FRIENDS MOTHER FROM WORK...LIFE IS SHORT AND FULL OF OBSTACLES AND SURPRISES. ON TUESDAY THE DAY BEFORE MY BDAY SOMEONE I WAS SENT TO WORK WITH GOT ME A BDAY CAKE DURING LUNCH AS A GESTURE OF APPRECIATION AND RECOGNITION...

THAT SAME NIGHT MY BF HAD HIS MOM MAKE ME A BDAY CAKE AND WAS THE FIRST TO WISH ME A HAPPY BDAY AT 12:00 ... WEDNESDAY EVENING I HAD AN "ALRIGHT" EVENING NOT WHAT I ANTICIPATED..AND TODAY AFTER A LONG DAY I STOPPED TO RE CHARGE MY PHONE AT A STARBUCKS ON THE WAY HOME...AND AN OLDER LATINA WOMAN CAME UP TO ME AND GAVE ME A PIECE OF CAKE AND TOLD ME IT WAS HER BDAY.. SHE REMINDED ME OF MY MOTHER...THEN I TOLD HER MINE JUST PASSED AND SHE SANG TO ME IN SPANISH "FELIZ CUMPLEANOS" COINCIDENTALLY THE WAY MY MOM USED TO SING IT....I WALKED OUT WITH A SMILE AFTER THANKING HER BUT BURST INTO TEARS ON THE TRAIN RIDE HOME...

SO BASICALLY...

IVE BEEN EATING CAKE ALL WEEK AND IM SIGNING UP FOR NYSC...STRANGERS THAT DONT EVEN KNOW ME ARE A SIGN OF GOOD HEARTS STILL LINGERING OUT THERE...OR PEOPLE THAT WERE MEANINGFUL TO ME IN A PAST LIFE... MANY OF MY PERSONAL FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE RE APPEARED AND IM GRATEFUL... MY QUALITY OF LIFE IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH AND I AM THANKFUL I AM LIVING AND NOT DEAD.

THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN AN EXTREME STRUGGLE...GOING FROM LIVING COMFORTABLY TO HAVING SURGERY AND NOT MAKING ANY MONEY AND BEING AT MY WITTS END...THEN LIVING LIFE AS IF IT WERE MY LAST DAY EVEN THO I HAD THE WORLD ON MY SHOULDERS...

YOU CANT TAKE EVERYTHING AND BE UPSET OR IMMATURE IN LIFE.. YOU HAVE TO APPRECIATE AND MOVE FORWARD DESPITE WHATEVER OBSTACLES ARISE... 

JAPAN WENT THROUGH HELL 

HAITI WENT THROUGH HELL

THE US IS FULL OF ISSUES OF VIOLENCE OF STRUGGLE 

INTERNATIONALLY THERE ARE ISSUES AS WELL...

SO MANY PPL ARE OUT OF JOBS, MURDERED, OR JUST MISERABLE...

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.. LIVE HAPPILY AND YOU WILL ATTRACT POSITIVE VIBES AND OPPORTUNITIES..

I DONT TRUST ANYONE BUT IM WILLING TO GIVE PEOPLE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT UNTIL I HAVE A REASON NOT TO

JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS WHOLE WEEK OFF MY CHEST...ITS BEEN AWHILE.

-JDM 

Winter Cuffing Vs. Spring Flings

 "Winter Cuffing Vs. Spring Flings"

By Jackie da Model

Jackiedamodel@gmail.com

So it has come to my attention that people tend to get together for the long term during the winter, and have casual flings in the spring time. I asked a few different people their opinions on this observation. We all know that the Winter is too cold to be outdoors and guys are too lazy to run around "having fun" in less than 20 degrees. Spring is a time where everyone is enjoying the weather and also activities outdoors and therefore have more of a chance to meet people consistently and date or decide if they want to just "chill".

Weighing the pro's and con's of winter dating and spring dating have led me to the conclusion that making excuses for wanting to commit or run wild tend to come from those who are unsure of themselves. If you can't trust yourself to behave in nice weather what makes you think you will in the cold?.  If you want to be with someone exclusively it doesn't matter the weather, it matters who that person is and what they can offer you. Do they complete you?, Do they understand you?, Can they keep you satisfied? Those should be the ideal reasons, not "I want to stay in and cuddle because its cold so I need a cuddle buddy" or "Lets go speed dating in the spring".

That's the equivalent of the date you bring everywhere vs. the indoor boo. The date you bring everywhere may have won the respect and the honor of meeting friends and family. The indoor boo is most likely only good for sex or companionship. NUFF SAID! Get it together ladies and gents!!!

"Never make someone your priority when you are only their option"-anonymous quote

I have lived and learned and at this time I can honestly say that Love is unexpected, so let's not search in the hot chocolate aisle at the bodega ....if your meant to be you will meet that person at the time best for both of you.

Stay Focused!!

@Jackiespeaks247

comments + feedback welcome!

THE PEPE FOUNDATION

I am a good friend of Alex Baez and I have watched him go through a trial of emotion upon the discovery of his father’s diagnosed Cancer. Alex guest hosted with me the day after the news was delivered on my radio show “The Jackie Speaks Show”on www.urbanlatinoradio.com for my very first show. We were each others support.

“The Radio Show was therapeutic” said Alex Baez.

He is a constant reminder to myself and others that a good friend is hard to come by and even harder to keep. I value his advice and his character and if you knew him so would you. He is what I can call one of my mentors in this industry, a man that gives and asks for nothing in return to many for the love of his career. That being said please take a moment to visit the website for his Fathers Foundation. Alex has set up an event as well to focus on a fundraiser which will be on February 10th at the OE lounge in Queens. Anything you can donate would be appreciated, just think if it were you how much it would mean when people help out to keep your family afloat.

http://www.giveforward.com/pepes-foundation